The Pineapple, Lake End Road, Dorney, Bucks, SL4 6QS

Beautiful weather and many weeks of hard work, called for a well deserved lunch-time escape to the village of Dorney.   Although Dorney is home to a manor house, a rowing lake (a venue for the 2012 Olympics), and the first pineapple grown in England, in the eyes of the hungry folk who work round this way, it is most importantly home to sandwiches of IMMENSE proportions at The Pineapple pub.

Immense isn't a word I'm using lightly... it applies to the gigantic size of the sandwiches, the generosity and quality of the fillings, and perhaps most of all, the choice.  Lunch here is such a ritual for anyone working in the area, just about every person in our office has a menu saved somewhere on their desktop.  And for good reason.  Each trip is preceded by much deliberation pouring over the menu (sometimes for hours, or even sleeping on it before making a final decision), as the menu is extensive.  The imaginative menu  of almost 80 selections, extends into around 400 different options as each can be served on "crusty white bloomer, wholegrain brown, toasted bagel, tortilla wrap or french baguette" and then technically into over different 1000 variations as each can be served with chunky chips, soup or salad.  Always generously filled (for example with substantial slices of just-roasted meats), it's a fine art to construct an option that won't be so huge it defeats you (although, if it does, they will obligingly pack it up for you to take away).

(C) The Pineapple

Understandably, there is a downside.   Options inevitably lead to much time between ordering and eating.  But this is ok, as whether it's a group of 12 or a group of 2, you can phone in orders before 11am, and spare the lengthy wait.

My love of beer gardens is well documented on these pages, and The Pineapple has an enviable one (which appears to be recently revamped).  A bit of a sun trap, it's quite a delight even when one considers the proximity of the main road.  With plenty of tables it is always a far better option than sitting indoors during a busy lunch service, as although the pub has character, it often feels cramped rather than cosy.

We enjoyed some beautiful sunshine out on the decked area of the garden today.  Being experts at dining at The Pineapple we were there early to beat the crowds, and we'd of course pre-ordered.  Some dishes, such as The Screaming Banger (sausages and chilli relish) or The Christmas Dinner, are best enjoyed on hugely thick slabs of bread.  However, a bagel or a wrap, whilst perhaps seen as a bit of a cop-out, are good for The BBC (Bacon, brie, cranberry), or the Smokey Blue Mountain (bacon, blue cheese and leafy salad).  The advantage of wraps, are that they leave space to enjoy the satisfyingly chunky chips, so even though Sharon was fondly remembering the Fisherman's Friend (fishfingers and tartar sauce), wraps were quite literally the order of the day.

'By the Bayou' was a previously untried choice for me, and I was  pleasantly surprised.  'Blackened' chicken was thankfully not charred, but had a Cajun seasoning that wasn't overpowering, but with a good kick, tempered by a honey mustard dressing, which wasn't too sweet on account of the leafy salad and the spicy chicken, but was a little too much in Sharon's Chicken Licken (but she reported the avocado to be a good addition).

We had in summation, a really lovely lunch (and even though we split a portion of chips and a portion of salad between us, we didn't manage to finish either - with a fixed price of about £7 for a main course this is pretty great value if you go for the giant sandwich option).  Despite it only being a Thursday the indoors and outdoors soon filled up, so it is worth noting that arriving early can dramatically improve your dining experience.  The car park is always overflowing, but parking can always be found on the road, or in the small (free) car park by the Jubilee River, just about 100 yards down the road from the pub.  The toilets could definitely do with a revamp, and this isn't always a great place to visit in winter in a large group, but for a relaxed summer afternoon, it is pretty great and definitely worth a visit.

(To preorder or reserve a table, call The Pineapple on 01628 662353.  Lake End Road, Dorney, Bucks, SL4 6QS)

Cake Glorious Cake! (The Beeches Cafe, Burnham Beeches).

I love cake perhaps more than I love anything else...

This interest stems perhaps from my student days in Durham, where truly awe-inspiring mammoth cakes of infinite variety were served up in giant slabs at Cafe Continental, and where cosy Wednesday afternoons disappeared a haze of tea and cakes in Vennel's.  Cake always succeeded in soothing our (constantly hungry) souls when faced with night after night of seriously disappointing College Food.

There's no time I crave tea and cake more than Sunday late afternoons (almost exactly from the point at which all shops close, making cake difficult to procure, especially when my baking skills leave a great deal to be desired).

But, I no longer need to worry!  I have found a place!  A place that can give me a glorious cake fix, as late as 6pm on a Sunday!

It's hard not to like Burnham Beeches (especially when you live as close to it as I do).  Despite being owned by the ominous sounding 'Corporation of London' it's really lovely woodland area.  Visiting late on a sunny Sunday afternoon, you can have the place mostly to yourself (and a few squirrels and the odd bunny rabbit in clearings that would make amazing picnic spots). 

But really, the main reason to visit, is for the Beeches Cafe.  Whilst Sharon's extolled the pleasures to be found in their flapjack, on each visit, I've been unable to pay any attention to anything but the small variety of ever changing, wonderful looking home made cakes!  On the last visit Coffee and Walnut cake ruled supreme - this visit the choice was between an elegant iced cake, a sumptuously sticky looking tower of zesty lemon cakes, or, the choice I finally made of the carrot cake beauty below.

It was everything you could desire from a cake.  Moist and light.  Lovely nutty texture.  Icing that was the perfect balance between sweet and tangy.  Blissful, and bargainous at only £1.90 for each generous slice.

The cafe itself serves from a hut in the centre of an open grassy area with outdoor seating - perfect for catching the late afternoon sun.

Highly recommended!

Come Dine With Me 2010: Part 2. Ushi's Sloughdog Millionaire Dinner

Photos by Jerome Taylor

I’d been putting it off for weeks. I’d delayed on setting a date, being somewhat intimidated by the prowess of the first hosts during the first instalment of our Come Dine With Me competition, and I was rather distracted by the looming deadline of my 15,000 word dissertation (hence the lack of blog posts in April and most of May 2010). I had a vague idea of the menu – it had been established early on that I’d be cooking Indian food, being the only type of food I could possibly cook more impressively than my talented friends, but I had no theme or plans for entertainment.

I had a vaguely advantageous situation as I’d convinced everyone to stay over at mine after the meal, hence could utilise the ‘get everyone too hammered to criticize’ game plan! I sought inspiration in the Pornstar Martinis discovered in Rotterdam, although I decided to re-invent them as martinis of the ‘Bollywood Star’ variety.

Inspiration along these lines, came only four days before the event itself. A recent visit to Slough Museum, combined with a re-watching of The Office had left me feeling much pride in the town I’d been living in for the last 9 months. So a Slough theme appealed, but I couldn’t think of a way to combine it with the Indian Menu, until inspiration hit…’Sloughdog Millionaire.’ A theme that was partly Bollywood, partly rejoicing in Slough (by virtue of being held there), and with some ‘Millionaire’ game show entertainment. Sorted. I sent out email invitations with mocked up Slumdog Millionaire posters which were received with some amusement (rather than ‘bemusement’ I hope) - no one even noticed I’d missed the ‘g’ out of ‘Slough’.

My main course and dessert I’d been testing on a number of guests over the previous few months, so I felt pretty confident with my chicken curry and vegetable rice with cucumber raita. My dessert – individual Baileys tiramisu wasn’t bad, but previous incarnations hadn’t been quite right in terms of cream and liquid and biscuit ratio. I had however sourced better receptacles for the individual desserts, and taken on board Sharon’s advice on soaking the biscuit fingers until they were oversaturated with liquid, and thinned out the layer of mascarpone and Baileys infused cream, so I was hopeful that these would turn out well. Previously I’d made them without any drama, but making eight of the things the night before, proved to be far more fiddly and tricky than I’d anticipated…a job I expected to take an hour at most, turned into three…

Cooking the chicken curry involved having to use my parents’ kitchen, a 7am start and the biggest steel pot and spoon I’ve ever seen (my mother never ceases to amaze me when she produces ridiculously gargantuan cooking implements out of nowhere). It was a great help though, and ensured good mixing of all the spices (fresh chilli, ginger and garlic green paste is the secret, as well as cloves and cinnamon sticks when you start cooking).

As I was hosting on my own, I’d been granted special dispensation from the group to enlist some help in the cooking. Whilst I’d been faffing around with the tiramisu for hours on the previous evening, my mum had made the samosas to accompany my Bollywood Star Martini starter. I was massively thankful as I battled with a vegetable curry – Aloo Gobi (potato and cauliflower curry), as well as an apple and coriander chutney for the samosas and the cucumber raita. Rice would be made after the starters were served.

Another challenge was seating – given I can normally only seat three. I was counting on borrowing a folding table from my parents that, was until the morning of the meal, as good as mythical. I’d never actually seen it before and there were mutterings from my dad and sister that it was broken. I finally saw it just a few hours before the guests arrived - massively relieved that it was fairly study and of a good size, (and there’s nothing like some heavy duty tape to stick a slightly broken table back together).

The food was mostly cooked by early afternoon, and I quickly prepared my menus – on individual red crepe paper scrolls tied with silver ribbon. Not as hand drawn or as beautiful as the previous dinner, but not bad for a last minute job.

Then to decorate the table – my tour de force was my Bollywoodised Place Names – Greg Rukh Khan, Salman Khan Foley, Kajol Jayasinghe, Aishwarya Aldred, Amitabh Taylor Buchan, Sofia Mitra Mukerjee, Preity Amie Zinta would be joining me, Madushi Dixit, for dinner. Flowers, menus, candle sticks, tea lights, sparkly table confetti and a little pot of bubbles each, made for a fairly crowded table, (and a slightly drunken, but luckily not too destructive table fire later on in the evening).

The full menu (complete with Bollywood film style Acts and Intervals) was presented as follows:

Act 1

Pink champagne on the Veranda

Bollywood Star Martini with Samosas

Act 2

Chicken Curry with Vegetable Rice

Aloo Gobi

Cucumber Raita

Chapattis & Naan Bread

Interval

Act 3

Individual Baileys Tiramisu

Chai

I’d covered the walls in saris, put songs from the emotion-fest that is bollywood film Khabbie Kushie Khabbie Gham on the DVD player, and I’d prepared Who want to be a Millionaire style multiple choice questions about my guests. Literally an hour before the guests arrived, I’d spotted a ‘Millionaire’ board game in the charity shop across the road, for a princely sum of £2. Theme sorted!

The guests arrived and pink champagne was calmly served (champagne flutes began the great use every type of glass possible mission). Guests took their seats, blowing bubbles and comparing whose Bollywood names whilst I got the Bollywood Star Martinis ready.

Passion fruit and mango juice, much vodka and gin, sugar, ice and passion fruit seeds, served with a separate shot of cava. I had lovely martini glasses for the girls and manly tumblers for the boys (made slightly less manly by neon squiggly straws), and shot glasses all the way from Uzbekistan. Samosas accompanied the drink along with an individual serving of the chutney. Much topping up of drinks, quickly bought with it a genial and slightly burry atmosphere. As a result, cooking vegetable rice and some token chapattis for the main course, was a challenge too far, so I went for straightforward plain rice instead and naan bread (and hoped no one would notice).

Serving up the main course with rice in little mounds, chicken curry in small bowls and individual ramekins of cucumber raita, didn’t leave much room for the Aloo Gobi, and left me thinking I’d taken the ‘individual’ thing a step too far.

The small napkin/candle table fire was luckily moved from table to sink without catching fire to the saris on the wall. Post meal silliness involved my personalised ‘millionaire’ questions, more bubble blowing and a new game…Face Table.  All you need to play is sparkly table confetti, a slightly moist face, and a table!

Photos by Jerome Taylor
 Dessert went down well – the tiramisu turned out far better on this occasion than ever before to my delight!  Chai (Indian tea) which I’d only really made once before that morning (my parents were guinea pigs), had been greeted with enthusiasm when the guests first saw the menu, and I was relieved that I hadn’t offered a choice of various post dinner hot beverages, as by this point in the evening, simplicity was by far the best plan.

The evening continued for many more hours in a similarly entertaining fashion. I’d surprisingly stopped caring about winning quite early on the evening, as just having pulled off the evening without any disasters, and with appreciative guests, seemed like a brilliant thing to have accomplished. I recorded a witty and erudite video diary entry on my view of the evening, to find at 2am when I was in my pyjamas and far worse for wear, that none of the recording had actually worked, and that we’d need to re-record all our thoughts. So the actual video (when we finally see them all after the last meal we have), will consist of my drunken incoherent mumblings about how I’m now too old to not be in pyjamas at 2am. Fitting I think.

(Many thanks to Jerome Taylor for his beautiful photos).